I am used to a variety of descriptors used in my direction - loud, verbose, sarcastic, smart, fat. Those I get; those I can understand. I don't understand "intimidating". I've asked some of the people who have used that term to explain why. They hem and haw, and give me some vague reasons - "it's hard to explain...you just are". Really? That helps me understand.
I know I want honesty from everyone, and I try to be that honest myself. I don't like to let things stew - I prefer to deal with them sooner rather than later. I work hard to be good at what I do, be it work or in my art. I don't think I expect more from people than I expect from myself. Does that make me intimidating?
The definition of intimidate is:
1. to make timid; fill with fear.
2. to overawe or cow, as through the force of personality or by superior display of wealth, talent, etc.
3. to force into or deter from some action by inducing fear.
Okay...that makes it worse. I'm scary?
I am working to figure out who I am and where I'm going. This label of "intimidating" is troubling. I don't like thinking that people are scared of me. I need to sort through why I am perceived this way. Is there something I need to change? Is it me? Or is it that many people find forthright, gregarious, smart woman intimidating?
So many questions...
4 comments:
I, for one, do not find you intimidating. I wish I was half as confident as you seem to be. If someone else finds your confidence intimidating, then they clearly do not know you very well.
I would never describe you as intimidating ..... perhaps they are jealous of your confidence.
First impressions aren't always right and we'd do ourselves a big favor in not passing a final judgment on one another by them. I know some good people who intimidated the hell out of me when I first met them, and the common denominator among them were strong, self-confident, outgoing personalities. Likewise, I've been fooled by people who presented themselves as decent and then turned out to be assholes.
Personally, I live in constant fear of how other people see me. I've heard some pretty negative things that people have said about me behind my back, and have had to put up with "playful" mockery about my perfectly normal (for an introvert) personality traits. Some people expect you to fit into their idea of ideal behavior and if you don't then you just aren't good enough for them. Well, we don't all wear ourselves on the outside, at least not at first and not with everyone.
I don't think you need to change anything. It's way too exhausting trying to be what you think other people want you to be. The people who really count are the ones who stick around long enough to figure out the true you of you and to see it for the very cool thing that it is.
I've been described as intimidating as well. I take it as a compliment.
A friend described me as having what you mentioned - a "force of personality" - which I interpret as my personality is upfront and forces it's way through my physical appearance. I am intimidating because right up front I give the impression that I'm not going to put up with any crap. That, my friend, is a compliment in my book. Let those with questionable intentions and waggling tongues to be intimidated - they should be!
We are a force to be reckoned with! Be proud! Sisters stand together :o)
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