Bah Humbug?

Okay, not in the way that Ebenezer Scrooge said it, but I am having a difficult time with the holidays this year.  My motivation to do...anything is in the pooper.  It even took 3 days to get the tree and inside decorations up.  It usually takes 3 or 4 hours.  There is hardly any decorating outside.  I still need to do my holiday cards.  And don't get me started on shopping for gifts.

Why??  With all the work I've done on "me", I thought it would be a good holiday season.  But, in fact, it seems have made it harder.  I am missing my parents more than I have in the past few years.  My mother was The Holiday Queen.  All the favorite things I like to do during the Christmas season are things I did with my mother.  And now, being single and no kids, I do them alone.  Not so fun.  I've been doing them anyway, but do them because I feel I should.  It has become a chore.  This year, I wanted to enjoy doing things...but as I start, I feel sad.

Add that to the frustration with all the "stuff" out there.  I am amazed at the level of rudeness and inconsiderate behavior by people.  I was shopping this weekend and was in a store looking at a display.  A young couple with a stroller came in, pushed in front of me and took up the entire area.  When I asked to move in to get the thing I was interested in, they both just glared and didn't move.  I simply left the store.  I tried walking around the mall, looking for ideas and inspiration for gifts and my mood, but all I ended up with was irritation and frustration. 

The holidays should be about friends, family, and joy.  It shouldn't be about finding the perfect present - or at least one that doesn't suck.  It should be about being with the people you love - not about how much money you spend on gifts.  I need to figure out how to embrace the holidays the way I want to.  I plan to spend tomorow evening with a friend and then meet up with friends over the weekend.  But...that doesn't address the loneliness around some of the traditions.

I so want to spend an entire day baking fun stuff.  But the idea of doing it by myself this year just makes me want to avoid it all together.  As I said..."humbug".  Anyone want to come over and play?? 

I've been thinking all this thru and still not coming to any kind of conclusion.  Yule is a week away and Christmas is a week and a half away.  I need to figure this out soon or the entire season will have passed me by.  Am I being too much like Charlie Brown?  Oh, no...I'm mixing my Christmas stories now...I'm really losing it...I don't think I need the Ghosts of Christmas.  But maybe I do need a Linus...

Happy holidays, my friends.  I wish you love and joy during this very confusing season.